


where i go to find what is mine

by rathalos



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Ambiguous Relationships, Eventual Canon Divergence, Gen, Main Character Has a Name, Nonbinary Main Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-10
Updated: 2019-09-10
Packaged: 2020-10-13 14:10:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20583791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rathalos/pseuds/rathalos
Summary: It’s scary to think someone brought you here for purposes other than finding the owner of a phone. It’s weird to think about the new app on your phone, the one you couldn’t delete no matter how many times you tried when it first popped up this morning. It’s unsettling to think someone out there might be watching you right now, watching the chats you have with members of the RFA.You fall asleep on sheets you don’t want to disturb, creases in the fabric of your jeans digging into your hip. It feels like defeat.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> * This used to be posted under a different account. I am deleting that fic and putting this up in its place.
> 
> a collection of loosely-related chapters about things i wanted to happen or feelings i had about the characters. kind of a rewrite, but more self-indulgent. the plot...? extremely loose if it's even there at all. chapter length will def fluctuate and so will update times.
> 
> i have a work skin on for the chats where it just changes to a different font so if that's not your thing disable it and everything will look normal.
> 
> title taken from [Snake Oil](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jmrw4qilwEo) by Foals

You log in trying to find the owner of a lost phone and they’re all waiting for you, five people gathered in the chatroom. You can feel the heavy weight of their curiosity on you. You catch snippets of conversation, glimmers into the lives of these strangers. They notice you and the heavy weight of their curiosity is placed on your shoulders. It’s a burden you’re not sure you deserve.

Where are you? Who are these people? Where is the owner of the apartment and for god’s sake does anyone know who Unknown is?

Eager as you are to get some answers, the others have questions for you, too.

You do manage to find out whose apartment you’re staying at. Her name was Rika. She founded Rika’s Fundraising Association and a year and a half ago she threw herself off a cliff and into the ocean. Nobody knows why someone would lead you there, least of all you. It’s confusing, and you should be suspicious, and the RFA is suspicious of you, and your head is in a jumble, and somewhere in between the questions and the answers you decide to stay.

On the first of many days spent in the apartment, you talk late into the night. Introductions are made, jokes are cracked, backgrounds are checked, innocence is proclaimed, V logs in and tells you you’re one of them if you want to be, and you slot into the RFA like you’ve always been there.

You fall asleep at three in the morning, phone plugged into a charger whose owner you’re not really looking for because she’s dead and out to sea, legs curled up against you on a bed someone else used to sleep in. Your eyes feel raw, gritty, and though you try to stay up your eyes keep closing. You doze off without realizing it, losing first one minute at a time and then five. Zen, the only one awake with you, urges you to sleep.

Sleep, he says for the fifth time. We can talk tomorrow. We’ve got all the time in the world.

You reluctantly agree with him and switch your phone off.

It’s scary to think someone brought you here for purposes other than finding the owner of a phone. It’s weird to think about the new app on your phone, the one you couldn’t delete no matter how many times you tried when it first popped up this morning. It’s unsettling to think someone out there might be watching you right now, watching the chats you have with members of the RFA.

You fall asleep on sheets you don’t want to disturb, creases in the fabric of your jeans digging into your hip. It feels like defeat.

*

Morning comes. You’re awake for the sunrise and the view from the apartment is more than enough to show you the sun blazing over the horizon, a burning red that sears your eyes but eventually mellows out into a soft orange, then a pale yellow. By the time you turn away the yellow has crept back under the edge of the sky and blue is gradually taking its place. You know clouds are out there, but you can’t see them yet. They’re waiting for the wind to deliver them to you.

You close the curtains and open the RFA messenger.

Kim Yoosung is kind, the first person to really initiate conversation after the excitement of a new person dies down, and all his messages drip with innocence and curiosity. In your mind he’s green, the color of spring buds, of safety, growth, jealousy, and you can’t help but want to eat him up. Just a little, not too much. You want to bite off a piece of his candy-sweet personality and keep it for yourself. Draw his light into the hole in your chest, past your melting ribs and pretend it fills you up. Wrap yourself in his warmth, drape his smile and his words across your shoulders like a well-worn blanket.

He’s cute, the image of purity. Bleached-blond hair and purple eyes, a smile on his lips and peace writ across his hands. Even his clothes are cute. He’s got a LOLOL pin on his shirt. You wonder if he’s ever been broken. He grins so wide but it’s a grin you’re intimately familiar with, one that isn’t all there. You wonder if you could glue him back together if he breaks again. If he’d let you.

Trembling hands tap out the characters for a compliment.

Your selfie looks good, you tell him. There’s a typo but Yoosung doesn’t notice, or if he does he doesn’t call you on it. He spams the chat with blushing emojis and everyone else pokes fun at him and you. He’s talkative, so talkative, jumping onto your every word and clinging to it for dear life like it’ll evaporate if he lets go of it.

Don’t let him get to you, the RFA members tell you. He’s excitable. He’ll calm down after the novelty wears off.

You don’t want him to calm down. If he likes talking to you like this, let him. You can take it all, every single word. He chatters at you until you’re tired to the bone and you reciprocate to the best of your ability. He’s the easiest one to get close to, maybe because he’s so lonely.

Later, when most of the other RFA members have left the chatroom, you ask about his friends.

**Yoosung**★**:** I have no friends.

His message is short, to the point, small. It looks about as lonely as Yoosung probably feels.

He tells you he used to have friends when he was in high school. He tells you he was popular, and a good student. You ask about his studies and he stalls until you finally wring an answer from him. The truth is he’s barely hanging onto classes. He doesn’t sleep, he doesn’t have a hobby. Not really. He just games. You ask if there’s a reason why and he evades the question. There’s a wound there. You can tell. There’s a knife in the wound, too, and someone is twisting it inside him.

You throw him a line, ask him about LOLOL, and he gratefully catches hold of it.

*

You log in again in the late afternoon because Zen is online. He’s the only other one of the RFA who hadn’t immediately been suspicious of you. You’re a little grateful, a little hesitant.

Zen is self-centered and the horrible, terrible thing about that is it looks good on him. He’s egotistical and confident, or at least he gives off a convincing air. He waxes poetic about himself, says he’s God’s mistake since he was created without flaws. You’re expecting to be terribly annoyed; instead, you’re terribly fond.

Besides the obvious narcissism, there’s the flirting. Is this normal, or is this a Zen thing? You don’t go out much, don’t make friends, so you don’t know. You’ve certainly never flirted. It’s entirely unfamiliar territory, but it’s easy for you to keep up with him. You find yourself holding back incredulous laughter, knees pulled up to your chest, pillows crowding in against your back. Outside the window, the sun rolls across the sky, a marble across the surface of the dome.

**Sooyeon Kwon: **I’m not sure what Seven’s been implying to you all, but I’m not a girl.  
**Sooyeon Kwon: **So if that’s why you’re flirting with me please stop

**ZEN:** Haha, Sooyeon  
**ZEN:** you’re cute  
**ZEN: **You don’t need to be a girl to catch my attention  
**ZEN:** but I’ll stop if it’s what you want haha^^

**Sooyeon Kwon:** No, it’s okay

The sun is beginning to set and the sky is stained purple and orange. He sends an emoticon of himself winking to the chat and you roll your eyes and hug your phone to your chest.

He doesn’t even know what you look like, but he’s really laying it on thick. He’s impossible, but you like him all the same. It’s not the kind of like that would lead to a relationship, and to be honest, you don’t think you’re even interested in romance, but all the same . . . it feels nice to be flirted with. It’s nice to know you’ve grabbed someone’s attention.

Zen feels like someone you could talk to on a bad day. He doesn’t make you flounder for a topic to talk about. He doesn’t expect you to give anything you don’t have. He’s a people person and he knows how to talk, how to encourage.

You don’t feel like you did with Yoosung. The pressing urge to steal away a little piece of him for yourself to keep with you when you’re alone isn’t there. It’s easy enough just to bask in his presence. Zen has life inside of him, so much so that it escapes past his boundaries, seeps into your cracks and fills them up and over. You could drown just by being near him.

The sun slides over the horizon, traveling past your reach. The clouds you saw in the morning are a distant memory, gone off to foreign lands. Zen logs out of the messenger.

*

After you eat dinner, you open a chatroom. You don’t really expect anyone to join—Zen has rehearsal and Yoosung said he plays LOLOL around this time and you don’t even know the schedules of anyone else, so it’s a pleasant surprise when Jaehee logs in.

The first thing she says when you greet her is she’s still at work checking a few last-minute things for Jumin.

You ask her why and she paints a picture of a lonely life for you. She splashes grey against a canvas with too little space. These are my work hours, she says. Peppermint pinwheels spring out of places you can’t see and turn into red and white roses scattered meagerly across the looming background. I watch Zen’s DVDs when I have free time, she adds, like an afterthought, like it’s not probably the only thing she looks forward to when she wakes up in the morning. You ask if she has a hobby. She asks if watching musicals counts as one. You ask what she does if she has spare time. Jaehee paints a little black rectangle into the center of her painting. It’s the door to her home, the only place she’s ever been able to get a little rest. She says she sleeps in her spare time.

She’s polite, almost painfully so, and suspicious of you, too. It’s not every day the RFA chatroom is hacked, after all. She’s suspicious but kind, asking after your eating habits and reminding you to take care of your skin. It’s probably something she picked up from Zen. Maybe she’s parroting words he once said to her. That’s okay with you.

**Sooyeon Kwon:** Don’t you ever feel like you want to get out sometimes?  
**Sooyeon Kwon:** Don’t you get holidays?

**Jaehee Kang:** It’s nice of you to think of me, but “holiday” is a word I only hear in my dreams.

**Sooyeon Kwon:** Really? You must be so busy.

**Jaehee Kang:** Haha . . . ^^ Don’t worry about me.  
**Jaehee Kang:** I wouldn’t be Mr. Han’s assistant if I could not bear the workload.

**Sooyeon Kwon:** If you say so. I hope you don’t overwork yourself. It’s important to give yourself time to rest . . .

Jaehee is the cool collected businesswoman your mother wanted you to be. Jaehee works hard, goes to the office every day, suit and tie arranged immaculately and everything in its place down to the very hairs on her head. She makes enough money to live in her own house and to have an ongoing collection of Zen’s musicals.

You wonder what she could be like if she’d had the chance to grow outside of the stifling work environment she’s trapped in. If she’d have more time to relax.

**Jaehee Kang:** I really am fine, Sooyeon.  
**Jaehee Kang: **No need to worry.

**Sooyeon Kwon:** I’ve been a worrier since birth. I can’t help it.

The rest of your conversation is stilted. You can’t help wondering if it’s your fault. If that’s the case you wouldn’t be surprised. You’re bad at telling when you’ve pushed too far, when the person you’re talking to is a breath away from breaking.

You leave the chatroom after an awkward goodbye and stare at the screen for a few minutes, thumb hovering over Jaehee’s icon. You should text her. You should apologize for pushing it about her work. Ah, but she hadn’t been mad, had she? You lock the phone.

It rings.

“Hello?” you whisper.

“Hello, Sooyeon,” Jaehee says. “I can’t hear you well. Are you feeling well?”

“I’m okay—uh, I’m okay,” you repeat, this time using a normal voice. “Why are you calling?”

“I was curious to hear your voice,” she says. “It sounds nice.”

You’d been holding your breath, but it leaves you in a rush when she doesn’t offer any further commentary. Outside your window, the moon begins its ascent up the side of the sky. You wonder if it ever feels like faltering.

“Is that all?” you ask faintly. “How has your day been?”

“I worked all day,” Jaehee says. It sounds more like a confession. An admission of guilt. She sighs. “But I’m planning to rewatch one of Zen’s new musicals when I arrive home.”

“Then you should hurry up so you can do it. Watch the musical, that is,” you say, knowing just how stupid you sound. “Good luck with your work.”

“Thank you,” she says. “I’ll get going now. Have a good night, Sooyeon.”

You end the call. A sliver of moonlight drips down onto Rika’s bed.

*

For whatever reason, Zen tells you Jumin is cold and unfeeling, interested only in profitable ventures. He also has a cat. You love cats, so while Zen may be personally offended by Elizabeth the 3rd’s existence, you’re thankful for her. You log into the chatroom past midnight. You’re sitting on the solitary chair pushed up to the tiny little table in the kitchen with your knees pulled up to your chest eating a cup of instant ramen. It’s the only food you’d found in there.

There’s a convenience store on the first floor of the building, so you’ll be fine. Thank god you brought your wallet . . .

You check the list of members online. You and Jumin are the only ones there. Not even a minute after you’ve logged in, a notification for a chatroom opens. You’d like to say you entered the chatroom and talked to Jumin, but that’s not quite what happens.

Jumin leads with a picture of Elizabeth the 3rd and talks at you. You occasionally input an opinion, though they seem to affect him as much as dust motes floating around in the air would. He drones on about his job and his cat and the wine his father sent him the other day and the meaning of life and working hard until you can’t take it anymore.

**Sooyeon Kwon:** Jumin, do you want to talk about something other than work?

**Jumin Han:** I don’t see why I should. Work is an important part of my life.

**Sooyeon Kwon:** What about your interests?

**Jumin Han:** I’m interested in Elizabeth the 3rd.

**Sooyeon Kwon:** Hobby?

**Jumin Han:** I cannot understand your interest.

**Sooyeon Kwon:** I’m a member of the RFA now, right? I feel like I should get to know you.

**Jumin Han:** You are still a stranger.  
**Jumin Han:** Assistant Kang is not the only one suspicious of you.

**Sooyeon Kwon:** I guess you have a point.  
**Sooyeon Kwon: **Seven said I was innocent though, didn’t he?  
**Sooyeon Kwon:** With that background check he claims was not a background check?

**Jumin Han:** Yes, Luciel and his questionable searches . . . Very well.  
**Jumin Han:** My hobby is taking care of Elizabeth the 3rd.

Somehow, you get the feeling you’re running around in circles. It’s a frustrating dance. Your cup noodles have gone cold—proof of your singleminded effort to pry some feeling out of Jumin. You don’t think he’s an asshole trust fund kid like Zen insists, but right now the easier thing to do would be to believe it and discontinue your mission.

**Sooyeon Kwon:** Do you like books?

**Jumin Han:** I do.

You never did like the easy way. It takes another hour for Jumin to relax, probably because of the glass of wine he sends you a picture of, but once he’s there it’s a little easier to hold a conversation.

Jumin is, in this regard, Zen’s polar opposite. You have to continually grasp for subjects to talk about in order to keep the conversation alive. Jumin can’t be bad at conversation because he’s definitely a successful businessman, but he doesn’t look like the type to hold casual conversations. Maybe he’s awkward. Unpracticed. You wonder how many friends he has, if he ever got the chance to just goof around and talk about nothing with them. Somehow you doubt it.

The curtains are closed right now so you can’t see the stars outside. If you opened them would you even be able to see them, or would light pollution obscure the sky?

Something about Jumin bothers you. Not his formal speech, not his politeness or impersonal words. It’s something else entirely. It’s an itch you just can’t scratch. The urge finds you scrolling up to reread his previous messages, typing your own with care, examining and re-examining everything he sends.

It’s easy to categorize him as the lonely CEO-in-line in a penthouse at the top of a tall building. It’s easy to imagine him staring out what are probably floor-to-ceiling windows watching city lights zip by. It’s so, so easy to take him at face value like Zen has. To stick a label on him and move on, if getting in is so hard, if you wait outside his door forever and he never comes out.

It’s only been a day. A day, and already you’re curious. Ravenous, even, hungry. You want to crack all of them open and take a look inside, see what makes them tick and how you can help them along. If you’re here, part of the RFA, you’re going to find a crack you can slip into. Your niche, your hollow, your haven. To know that, you must first know the people. You’re going to find out what spaces they occupy and expand to fill the emptiness.

**Jumin Han: **It’s late. I should get going.  
**Jumin Han:** I’ll provide you with more pictures of Elizabeth the 3rd tomorrow.

**Sooyeon Kwon: **Yes . . . thank you for welcoming me.

**Jumin Han:** Of course. We are glad for the opportunity to host parties again.  
**Jumin Han:** Let me warn you, though. You’re a member of the RFA now.  
**Jumin Han:** It might have been a simple matter to join, but leaving won’t be so easy.

A chill walks down your spine. You log out of the chatroom.

*

Your first mistake is chugging coffee at three in the morning. Your second mistake is logging in when Seven opens a chatroom.

**707:** haha Sooyeon  
**707:** you’re awake  
**707:** two lonely souls in the early hours of the morning~

**Sooyeon Kwon:** . . .  
**Sooyeon Kwon:** Was that supposed to be poetic?  
**Sooyeon Kwon:** Should I applaud?

**707:** Some people don’t recognize God7’s talents, but  
**707:** You’re sharp  
**707:** applause please!

**Sooyeon Kwon:** (standing ovation)

**707:** hehehehe

He’s more than meets the eye, definitely more, but he’s a force of nature and you’re caught up in the middle of him. You laugh at his jokes, you’re swept away during the high tide of his humor. You tease and smile and it feels like talking to a piece of paper. Cardboard, probably, because at least he changes it up once in a while. He’s the class clown, the boy the teachers reprimand every five minutes.

You have an inclination toward prying, an eye for secrets. Maybe you’re greedy. You want to see the side of Seven he doesn’t show people, if he has one. The things he keeps to himself. He probably won’t open up quickly, but you have time. Yesterday—the day before yesterday, technically—Zen had told you you had all the time in the world. He’d been right then and he’s right now. You’ll be patient and hope Seven comes to you and god, you’re aware of all the ways this isn’t healthy but you’ve been without people for so long you can’t help it when faced with them again.

**Sooyeon Kwon:** Hey, Seven, tell me something

**707:** +_+  
**707:** God7 waiting for input

**Sooyeon Kwon:** so . . . I understand if you’re using a nickname for privacy reasons  
**Sooyeon Kwon:** isn’t there another name I can call you?  
**Sooyeon Kwon:** Seven feels a little awkward

**707:** well, Luciel is my baptismal name but  
**707:** >.< I’d be flustered if you used it ★  
**707:** I can’t tell you my real name because  
**707:** (drumroll pls)

**Sooyeon Kwon: **(drumroll)

**707:** I’m a hacker working for a shady intelligence agency.  
**707:** The dangerous truth . . .  
**707:** of why nobody can know my true name  
**707:** !! REVEALED !!

**Sooyeon Kwon:** Thanks for telling me.

**707:** O_O  
**707:** Don’t tell me . . .  
**707:** you actually believe that!?!?

You haven’t decided whether to believe him or not. It’d be convenient if he was, would explain away why you feel he’s hiding something, but you really, really don’t want to know about what goes on at shady intelligence agencies. If he’s not, you’ll work on getting the truth from him anyway. Everything you don’t know is an individual thorn in your side.

**Sooyeon Kwon:** We’ll see.

**707:** lolololol  
**707:** the sun is almost up  
**707:** time for God7 to transform into Sun7  
**707:** seven - oh - seven  
**707:** OUT!!!

Seven leaves the chatroom. Your phone rings just before you’re about to put it down on the nightstand.

“Hello?” you croak. “Sorry. Dehydrated.”

“It’s me,” Seven says, and he also sounds like shit. “Haha . . . just looking out for our newest member. You sound awful, by the way.”

“Have you heard yourself?” you ask tiredly. You rub your eyes. Your chest feels hollow, the way it always does after you pull an all-nighter. Your eyelids wanted to close a few hours ago; now you only feel the fast-fading memory of their desire. You could fall asleep, probably, if you tried. “What’s up? What’s the call for?”

“Do you wanna watch the sunrise together?” Seven asks. He’s quiet but the excitement in his voice is palpable. “It’s my favorite time of day.”

“Okay.” You’d been planning to anyway. “I watched the sunrise yesterday. Did you?”

“Didn’t have time,” Seven says. You hear a door open and close. “The life of a hacker is busy and unpredictable.”

“Yeah, right.”

You’re still jittery from the caffeine, and you kind of feel like puking because coffee upsets your stomach every time you drink it, but you manage to fumble your way over to the window to watch the sun rise.

New day, new you.

The sun comes up slowly, steadily, not once wavering from its path in the sky, the three-legged crow’s ascent. It marks a trail in the sky, an unavoidable outcome of its bid toward high noon. You’re not supposed to look but you can’t help it. There’s something thrilling about looking at the sun, doing something you’re not supposed to do. It’s so bright it hurts and your caffeine-induced headache will only get worse from here but you stare anyway and only rip your eyes off it when you’ve had your fill.

Seven sighs so loudly you hear it on your end.

“Good morning, God Seven,” you say.

“Good morning, Sooyeon,” he murmurs.

You end the call.

You toss your phone carelessly onto the nightstand and haul yourself into bed. Yesterday you were afraid to touch anything for fear you’d ruin it but today you crawl under the covers and pull them up to your chin. You fall asleep with afterimages of steady light burning behind your eyelids, the memory of Seven’s sigh echoing in your ears, and the dull, heavy pain of a headache sitting just behind your brow bone.

*

You wake up when the sun is at its peak in the sky. The dream you had fades quickly until all you’re left with is the phantom feeling of hands on your face and warm breath tickling across your cheeks. You let yourself wallow in bed, wallow in the temporary feeling of isolation that chases every good dream you have, before throwing the covers back and swinging your legs over the edge of the bed.

Today you’ll get stuff done.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, so i updated real quick on this one but if i know myself i know i'll run out of steam soon, so i'm riding this weird wave of inspiration to the end. also, short chat-heavy chapter. if it seems rushed or choppy i'm sorry but i almost exclusively write at about 1 am. so. yeah.

The moon dances along the curve of the sky, big and round and yellow when you open the chat room. Someone will join. Jumin or Jaehee are your most likely bets, with Zen coming solidly in second. Yoosung and Seven are a toss-up; their hours are completely random.

. . . Your hours haven’t exactly been the best, either.

Today you finally managed to drag yourself out of bed at around two in the afternoon, took a cab to your apartment, and grabbed some necessities. You made a supermarket run and bought enough food to stock the fridge for a month. Seven told you Rika’s apartment has better security than yours, so you’re going to stay until the hacker situation is resolved.

What about my job, you’d asked.

I’ll take care of that, Seven had said.

A few hours later you’re still feeling a bit dubious, but you’ll let it slide. If Seven doesn’t actually do anything and your boss calls you, you’ll just have to make something up.

No one’s entering so far. You leave your phone on the bed for a bit and wander out to the kitchen to get something to drink. You rummage around in the shelves trying not to think about what Rika would have put in these shelves. V must have come and cleared nearly everything out after she died. Coffee? No, you’d definitely paid for that mistake yesterday. Tea? Ah, but you only have black tea and that keeps you up too, makes you feel like running three laps around the block.

You have cold water, of course, but that’s a little boring right now. You eye the melon-flavored milk in the back of your fridge warily. It’s good, definitely good. Too good, really. If you drink one now, you’re going to end up downing all six boxes unless, that is, you manage to exercise some self control.

Two boxes of melon milk later, you’re feeling comfortably full and extremely satisfied. You head back to the bedroom, bare feet warm against the cold wood of the hallway. You crawl into the bed and under the blankets, groping around for your phone until your fingers finally wrap around it. You stare at the screen, a mixture of disappointment and resignation curling up in your chest. The room is still—

_ V has entered the chat room. _

**V: **Hello, Sooyeon

**Sooyeon Kwon:** Hi  
**Sooyeon Kwon:** I was about to leave if nobody came in lol  
**Sooyeon Kwon:** I’m glad you joined though.  
**Sooyeon Kwon:** I have a question.

**V:** Go ahead.

**Sooyeon Kwon:** Have you set a date for the party yet?

**V:** Oh, good timing. That’s exactly why I logged in.  
**V:** I haven’t had good service all day, or I would have come earlier.  
**V:** It’s a bit unfortunate that everyone’s not here to see this.

**Sooyeon Kwon:** I’ll remind everyone to read the chat logs if they forget. Go ahead.

**V:** Okay.  
**V:** Everyone,  
**V:** We’ll hold the party nine days from now.  
**V:** I’ve picked out a location and reserved it already  
**V:** Here, let me send the link.  
**V:** [Address ⇲]  
**V:** It’s a nice place.

**Sooyeon Kwon:** Um . . . I don’t want to be rude, but why so soon??

**V: ** I have a few reasons.  
**V:** First, I think hosting a smaller party would help you to understand this better.  
**V:** You won’t have as much pressure on you  
**V:** If we don’t have as many guests to prepare for, we should hold the party as soon as possible.  
**V:** I’ve actually been feeling a bit anxious to get this going ^^

**Sooyeon Kwon:** I see your reasoning,  
**Sooyeon Kwon:** but . . .  
**Sooyeon Kwon:** I’ve never done this before.  
**Sooyeon Kwon:** Nine days seems a little quick, right?  
**Sooyeon Kwon:** Even two weeks would be a little better ;;

**V:** Are you worried about your ability to coordinate the party properly?  
**V:** If so, I wouldn’t be concerned.  
**V:** I’m confident you’ll do a great job.

**Sooyeon Kwon:** But aren’t there decorations and catering to be considered?  
**Sooyeon Kwon:** I don’t know much about it, but is it okay to request at such short notice?

**V:** Of course. I’ve made some preliminary arrangements already.  
**V:** There will be enough for a maximum of forty guests.

**Sooyeon Kwon:** If that’s a small party . . .  
**Sooyeon Kwon:** How many attended the parties Rika held?

**V:** Oh, sometimes over a hundred people attended.  
**V:** But this party will be a sort of test run.  
**V:** Please don’t have any concerns. I trust you’ll do well.  
**V:** And if you’re still in doubt, ask other members for help.  
**V:** I don’t know how often I can log on since I’m in an area with bad service, but I’ll also help whenever I can.  
**V:** Trust me on this, please. Nine days is plenty.

**Sooyeon Kwon:** Well, if you’re sure . . .

**V:** Thank you for hearing me out.  
**V: ** I’m losing service now.  
**V:** Good luck with preparations. I hope the others recommend many guests to you.

**Sooyeon Kwon:** . . .  
**Sooyeon Kwon:** Thanks. Tell me if you think of any, too.

_ V has exited the chat room. _

You resist the urge to go out into the kitchen and drink another two cartons of melon milk. V hasn’t done anything wrong, not exactly, but something about the way he talks seems a little weird to you, all the messages about trust. He’d been vague. You hope he logs in again soon and gives you clearer instructions.

Instead of chugging melon milk, you open your emails. The bright startup screen sears your eyes at first and you have to squint for about fifteen seconds before you’re fully adjusted. Two out of the four people you’ve contacted so far have gotten back to you, neither of them responding with a solid yes or no. It’s clear they both expect conversation. Must you jump through hoops every time you want someone to come to the party? You probably shouldn’t even ask—the answer’s looking to be a resounding yes.

Four guests invited, a bunch more to go . . . seriously. V wants you to rack up forty guests in nine days? You don’t know anyone, so you’re hoping the members of the RFA have contacts. Serious contacts. Jumin and Jaehee seem the most likely options, seeing as how they’ve already provided you with four potential guests. Seven is a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a question mark, Yoosung’s a college student and probably focused on his studies, and Zen—actually, Zen will probably know a lot of people. You’ll definitely have to ask him.

You should go to bed since it’s almost midnight and you basically hadn’t slept yesterday, but Yoosung joins the chatroom just before you exit the app and you fall all over yourself to greet him. Your conversation with V left you feeling a little off-kilter, like an under-filled glass. You can borrow some of Yoosung’s cheer, hoard some of it away to keep you warm. He won’t mind.

**Sooyeon Kwon:** Hjn  
**Sooyeon Kwon:** Hry Yoosng  
**Sooyeon Kwon:** Hi, Yoosung.  
**Sooyeon Kwon:** you just missed V

**Yoosung**★**:** lololol typo  
**Yoosung★:** and yeah, I read the logs.  
**Yoosung★:** I didn’t really want to talk to him so I waited until he left haha;;

**Sooyeon Kwon:** What, you don’t like him?

**Yoosung★:** No . . . it’s not just that I don’t like him.  
**Yoosung★:** I also can’t trust him.  
**Yoosung★:** It’s because of Rika’s death . . .  
**Yoosung★: ** He was her lover.  
**Yoosung★: ** Even though they were that close, he didn’t seem to mourn at her funeral.  
**Yoosung★:** She didn’t leave a will, so we can’t get her belongings  
**Yoosung★:** I don’t even know where she lives because V never told us.  
**Yoosung★:** Her body wasn’t at her funeral. I don’t even know if anyone searched.

**Sooyeon Kwon:** Yoosung . . .  
**Sooyeon Kwon:** That sounds like an awful thing to go to.  
**Sooyeon Kwon:** He doesn’t answer your questions?

**Yoosung★:** No!!!  
**Yoosung★:** No matter how much I beg and plead he never tells me anything.  
**Yoosung★:** Always saying it’s for my own good  
**Yoosung★:** >x< Other people matter too!!!!!  
**Yoosung★:** I’m sure . . . everyone had questions.  
**Yoosung★:** Jumin was also Rika’s friend.  
**Yoosung★:** Her friend and her cousin don’t know where she lives.  
**Yoosung★:** Doesn’t that feel so wrong to you?

**Sooyeon Kwon:** Oh . . . um

**Yoosung★:** ;;;;;  
**Yoosung★:** I’m sorry  
**Yoosung★:** I totally got carried away  
**Yoosung★:** But I’m serious! You shouldn’t trust V that much.

**Sooyeon Kwon:** it’s okay ^^  
**Sooyeon Kwon:** I’m sure V has reasons for withholding information  
**Sooyeon Kwon:** I will take what you said into consideration though.

**Yoosung★:** Good.  
**Yoosung★:** Um . . . I think I should talk about a lighter topic topic though

**Sooyeon Kwon:** Probably a good idea.  
**Sooyeon Kwon:** How was your day, Yoosung?

**Yoosung★:** It was good!  
**Yoosung★:** I went to class today  
**Yoosung★:** although I couldn’t stay awake because I was grinding for a rare armor last night T_T

**Sooyeon Kwon:** lolololol poor Yoosung  
**Sooyeon Kwon:** What are you studying?

**Yoosung★:** Veterinary medicine!

**Sooyeon Kwon:** woooow  
**Sooyeon Kwon:** I hear it’s really difficult  
**Sooyeon Kwon:** but . . . aren’t you always gaming?  
**Sooyeon Kwon:** How will you find time to study?

**Yoosung★:** ;;;;;;;  
**Yoosung★:** I’m doing okay in class

You talk for longer than you should, considering the need for you to fix your sleep schedule and Yoosung’s impending LOLOL battle. Eventually, though, you put a stop to the conversation. You’re going to bed and Yoosung has to go to . . . well, wherever he goes in his game. You lock your phone and don’t actually go to sleep right away like you’d promised you would. You spend about an hour staring at the ceiling turning everything over in your mind—V, the party, Yoosung, Rika’s death and the weird circumstances—before you fall asleep.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i'm probably going to go completely off the rails with canon. sooyeon's sleep schedule is still absolutely garbage. also, a lot of chats.
> 
> i'm always super worried about characterization. i hope i got everything right.

_Jumin Han has entered the chatroom._

**Jumin Han:** Sooyeon, aren’t you at work?

**Sooyeon Kwon:** eh . . . about that  
**Sooyeon Kwon:** Seven thought it would be best for me to stay inside the apartment so he arranged something with my boss. It’s weird that he knows my boss  
**Sooyeon Kwon:** I guess that came with the background check?  
**Sooyeon Kwon:** I’m not sure if I trust him all that much but I have to leave it to him  
**Sooyeon Kwon:** But I really wish I was working right now . . .  
**Sooyeon Kwon:** It’s boring here.

**Jumin Han:** I see.  
**Jumin Han:** I read the chat logs.  
**Jumin Han:** I have to wonder . . .  
**Jumin Han:** Just what in the world is V thinking? Two weeks?  
**Jumin Han:** The usual amount of time it takes to prepare for a party is three months.

**Sooyeon Kwon:** Three months  
**Sooyeon Kwon:** and he gives us nine days?  
**Sooyeon Kwon:** I can’t believe it

**Jumin Han:** I find it hard to accept, too.  
**Jumin Han:** I will attempt to contact V.  
**Jumin Han:** If he cannot be swayed I will have no choice to accept his deadline.  
**Jumin Han:** He is the leader of the RFA.

**Sooyeon Kwon:** yeah, I understand

**Jumin Han:** Good.

_ZEN has entered the chatroom._

**Sooyeon Kwon:** Hey, Zen^^

**ZEN:** Oh, that trust fund jerk is here.  
**ZEN:** Hey, Sooyeon >v0

**Jumin Han:** Hello, Zen.  
**Jumin Han:** =w=

**ZEN:** Are you seriously making cat faces at me?  
**ZEN:** Man . . .  
**ZEN:** I feel like sneezing from just looking at it;;  
**ZEN:** Can’t you do that somewhere else!?

**Sooyeon Kwon:** lololol Jumin be considerate of his allergies

**Jumin Han:** Overcome your allergies by loving cats.  
**Jumin Han:** An allergy is just an excuse not to be around the perfect animal.

**ZEN:** No  
**ZEN:** Sooyeon, can you believe this guy?

**Sooyeon Kwon:** Jumin, you can’t overcome allergies without medication . . .

**Jumin Han:** Nonsense.

**ZEN:** . . . yeah. Sure.  
**ZEN:** Sooyeon, thanks for trying, but  
**ZEN:** Jumin won’t listen to reason.  
**ZEN:** Argh!  
**ZEN:** The only thing he ever thinks about is cats.

**Jumin Han:** I am constantly captivated by the beauty of Elizabeth the 3rd.

**ZEN:** See what I mean?

**Sooyeon Kwon:** I like cats.

**Jumin Han:** I knew you were smart.

**Sooyeon Kwon:** BUT  
**Sooyeon Kwon:** Jumin, don’t push your preferences onto other people. Zen is allergic to cats. He can’t be around them for his own safety.

**Jumin Han:** . . .  
**Jumin Han:** I see.

Jumin and Zen fight like . . . well . . . cats and dogs, which doesn’t come as much of a surprise to you. Their bickering seems routine, something they’ve been doing since the beginning of their—friendship? acquaintanceship?—and the chatroom fades into the background as you pull out your laptop and surf the web.

You hadn’t really heard of Zen before this, but he’s got a decently-sized fanbase and a website dedicated to uploading photos from his shows. According to the header at the top of the main page page, it updates once a day with new photos.

It’s raining outside.

Eight days until the party starts.

You’ve gotten your contact count up from four to ten. You’ve secured the attendance of your initial four. Maybe this won’t be as impossible as you thought. If you manage to drag yourself out to the party when it eventually rolls around instead of curling up in a ball at home trying to push everything out of your mind. You feel an obligation toward the RFA, though. They didn’t get you into this mess—you did, for downloading a weird app—but they’re trying to get you out of it.

There’s so much to think about it. You can’t explain why but you feel as though everything has to be taken care of before the party. Like there might not be a future after the party. Like you’ll return home and . . . and what? Lose contact? Never see them again? No. You’ll resume your chats with the RFA members, most likely. It’s the logical conclusion. You’ll have passed the first trial. You’ll be a real member of the RFA and you’ll go back home and do things from your house, not Rika’s apartment—although you’ve gotten a little attached to the place in these past three days.

Everything should be done before the party. It’s a nagging feeling that sits on the edge of your awareness, stirring the peace in your mind and disrupting your thoughts.

The Metube video of Zen you’d been watching has faded into the background already.

Eight days.

Everything feels so cramped, so rushed. You’re frantic to wedge yourself into the RFA, become an irreplaceable part of the group even though you don’t know what you’re doing or what they’re doing or where anything is going. You’ve never really had friends before, just online acquaintances and classmates who asked to see your notes, so you guess it makes sense you’d become attached to these people quickly. It hasn’t even been a week since you met them and already you’re melting, clinging to them and seeking their company. Your phone’s seen more use during the past day than it usually does in seven.

The question is do you like them, or do you want to be their friends because you were led into this? If you’d met them in a normal way, would they even like you? Is this just because they think you need to continue Rika’s work? Every doubt you voice is another blow to your self-esteem.

There is so much you don’t know. Everything beyond your grasp is another reason to doubt, another insecurity. In time you’ll learn things about them. In time you’ll be their friends. You don’t want in time. You want now.

You check the chatroom.

**Jumin Han:** I’m meeting my father today.  
**Jumin Han:** We’re having lunch together.

**ZEN:** Is it good to make him wait? Isn’t it already lunchtime?

**Jumin Han:** Oh. He won’t be here for another half an hour.  
**Jumin Han:** Something held him up.  
**Jumin Han:** I can only hope he won’t bring his new girlfriend to the lunch -_-  
**Jumin Han:** It has been too long since I’ve enjoyed a meal with my father  
**Jumin Han:** Alone.  
**Jumin Han:** I do need to prepare though.  
**Jumin Han:** I’ll get going.

**ZEN:** lololol see ya

_Jumin Han has left the chatroom._

**ZEN:** I’ll get going too.  
**ZEN:** I need to practice my lines for a play I’ll be in.  
**ZEN:** Maybe I can get you tickets ~

**Sooyeon Kwon:** That would be nice. I’ve never seen your performances in person before.

**ZEN:** Then look forward to it ;)

_ZEN_ _has left the chatroom._

Your phone rings. It’s Jumin.

“Hello?” you say, hoping you don’t sound as exhausted as you feel. Something’s off, and you don’t notice it until someone from the Metube video you’ve been playing screams. You cringe and mute your computer.

“Hello. I hope you’re not busy,” Jumin says. Something rustles in the background.

“No . . . busy is kind of the opposite of me right now. I thought you had a meeting with your father,” you say.

“I do. However, there are still a few minutes until he arrives. I chose to be productive during those minutes,” Jumin says. “Listen, Sooyeon. I must inform you that V is not likely to change the date of the party. He is unfailingly loyal to his goals. I will ask him to extend the time. If he does not agree, know that you are not working alone. The rest of the RFA will assist you.”

“I understand,” you say. “I’m grateful.”

“Good. In return, all I ask for is your utmost effort to ensure the party is a success,” Jumin says. His voice is low and pleasant, something you could listen to for as long as it exists. “May I expect that of you?”

“You can. I’ll do my absolute best,” you promise.

“Very well,” Jumin replies. You wonder if he’s smiling. If your words mean to him what they mean to you. The call ends.

On the blue-lit screen of your laptop, Zen’s character kneels in the center of a grove of trees. You unmute the video.

*

It occurs to you that V might be hiding something. That he might have a secret. Yoosung certainly seems to think so. You don’t particularly want to talk to V, but the idea that there might be something you don’t know is a maddening itch. You’ll ask Yoosung about it sometime, or Jumin, once he’s done with that meeting with his father.

For now, you’ve got a new hobby: scouring Metube for videos of Zen.

*

Jumin calls again, a few hours later. It’s dusk. The clouds form a lid over the sky, a soundless lid under which everything is soft and purple and dim. The rain stopped hours ago. You wonder what the weather is like for the other members of the RFA. Are the roads outside their home slick with rain? Maybe they’re waiting for it to come.

“How did it go with your dad?” you ask.

“It went well, I suppose,” he replies, but you can hear a grimace in his voice.

“But . . .?”

Jumin sighs. “He brought his girlfriend.”

“That’s tough,” you say, and try to sound sympathetic. “What’s she like?”

“Have you ever heard of Glam Choi?” Jumin asks, and you tell him you have. “She is my father’s girlfriend. My father insists differently, but I know she only has one thing in mind: his money.”

“Glam Choi? Wow,” you say, shifting a little on the bed. “Your father deals with, um, gold diggers a lot?”

“Yes,” Jumin says. It’s almost a hiss. “God. I can’t believe I’m telling you this. Well, I guess you’ll find out one way or another. It’s better to get things out of the way.” He pauses. You’re about to tell him he doesn’t have to say anything when he continues. “My father has a problem with women. He throws money at women who dump him after a few months. He thinks every one of them will be his true love. It’s foolish.”

Your image of him is coming together. He’s not the mighty businessman looking down on his subjects—well, yes, he is, but that’s not all of him. He’s also a cat lover. He’s also someone with his own worries and fears. He’s also someone who likes to tease people. He’s also someone who didn’t know what “effing” means and had to have it explained to him by his assistant. He’s human. It’s not a big revelation, because on some level everyone is human, but still you savor it. You know him. Not someone else, not an onlooker who only knows his name from magazines—you know him and you have seen his humanity.

The silence has stretched on for longer than you’d intended. Better say something.

“He doesn’t see sense?”

“No, and I doubt he ever will. But . . . I think I’ve talked about my family enough now. Sooyeon, are you in contact with your family?” Jumin asks.

Should you lie? Tell the truth? Evade the question and hope he doesn’t pry? But he’ll pry, definitely. You settle on the truth.

“Um. No. I’m not.” You hope you don’t sound as uncomfortable as you feel. You probably do. You’ve never been good at hiding your emotions, not in person or over the phone. “Do we need to talk about this?”

“ . . . We don’t,” Jumin says. “I’ll get going now. Don’t forget to eat dinner.”

“I won’t,” you promise.

He ends the call and you slump back against the headboard.

*

_Jaehee Kang has entered the chatroom._

**Jaehee Kang:** Sooyeon, you’re online late.

**Sooyeon Kwon:** I could say the same for you.

**Jaehee Kang:** I didn’t mean anything by it^^  
**Jaehee Kang: **Anyway  
**Jaehee Kang:** Zen’s working hard for his new role.

**Sooyeon Kwon:** He really is. I’m impressed by his dedication.

**Jaehee Kang: **Yes, you’re exactly right.  
**Jaehee Kang:** Are you also a fan? I neglected to ask this before.

**Sooyeon Kwon:** Oh, I only knew him vaguely.  
**Sooyeon Kwon: **But I saw that you liked his performances so much I had to check them out.  
**Sooyeon Kwon:** He really is a very good actor.

**Jaehee Kang: **I knew you’d appreciate him.  
**Jaehee Kang:** He started out fairly small, but in the past year or so  
**Jaehee Kang:** He has enjoyed more popularity.

**Sooyeon Kwon:** I’m glad.

**Jaehee Kang:** I have a large collection of DVDs.  
**Jaehee Kang:** I would be happy to lend them to you after the party.

**Sooyeon Kwon:** Not before?

**Jaehee Kang:** I don’t know where Rika’s apartment is.  
**Jaehee Kang:** And in the interest of productivity, I would recommend waiting until the party has happened.  
**Jaehee Kang:** You might get caught up watching DVDs  
**Jaehee Kang:** and forgetting to respond to e-mails.  
**Jaehee Kang:** Speaking of e-mails  
**Jaehee Kang:** How has it been going? With the guests?

**Sooyeon Kwon:** The guests you all have recommended are certainly . . . interesting.  
**Sooyeon Kwon:** Although they do seem a bit skeptical about the party.  
**Sooyeon Kwon:** Is it usually this hard to convince people to join?

**Jaehee Kang:** I can hazard a guess as to why you find it difficult.  
**Jaehee Kang:** One, you are inexperienced.  
**Jaehee Kang:** Two, the party has not been held in more than a year. People will be cautious of attending such an event.  
**Jaehee Kang:** Three,  
**Jaehee Kang:** this one is just speculation  
**Jaehee Kang:** The guests people have been inviting are weird.

**Sooyeon Kwon:** ;; weird?

**Jaehee Kang:** A group for forever alone people. Men of Monogamy. Chicken delivery. A group that measures the length of one’s feet.  
**Jaehee Kang:** I will be thankful if the party is a success.  
**Jaehee Kang:** But with these guests, it is looking less and less likely.

**Sooyeon Kwon:** Don’t forget the LOLOL guilds.

**Jaehee Kang:** Yes . . .  
**Jaehee Kang:** I understand Yoosung wanted to contact anybody he could  
**Jaehee Kang:** But LOLOL . . . ?  
**Jaehee Kang:** Never mind. I won’t question his decision.

**Sooyeon Kwon:** They actually seem kind of nice.  
**Sooyeon Kwon:** A little, um, socially inept?  
**Sooyeon Kwon:** But nice.

**Jaehee Kang:** That’s good to hear.  
**Jaehee Kang:** I brought this up because I have a guest to recommend.

**Sooyeon Kwon: **That’s great! Who is it?

**Jaehee Kang:** ^^ Don’t worry. She is an ordinary guest.  
**Jaehee Kang:** She’s a representative from an association whose goal is a fair workplace.  
**Jaehee Kang:** Shall I tell her to contact you?

**Sooyeon Kwon:** Of course.  
**Sooyeon Kwon:** This sounds like an organization that should definitely be at the party.

**Jaehee Kang:** I’m very glad you share my opinion.  
**Jaehee Kang:** Maybe they can talk to Mr. Han . . .

_Jumin Han has entered the chatroom._

**Jumin Han:** What about me?  
**Jumin Han:** Why would you have them talk to me?

**Jaehee Kang:** Forget it.

**Jumin Han:** Do you find your work environment unsatisfactory?  
**Jumin Han:** I compensate you for overtime.

**Jaehee Kang:** I said forget it . . . ;;

**Jumin Han:** Very well.  
**Jumin Han:** =w=  
**Jumin Han:** Hello, Sooyeon.

**Sooyeon Kwon:** Hi, Jumin.  
**Sooyeon Kwon:** You’re up pretty late too.

**Jumin Han:** Elizabeth the 3rd woke me.  
**Jumin Han:** I am waiting for her to fall asleep again.

**Sooyeon Kwon:** What if she doesn’t sleep?

**Jumin Han:** If she does not fall asleep within thirty minutes I will go to bed on my own.

**Sooyeon Kwon:** Good plan

**Jaehee Kang:** If all you two are going to be talking about is cats, I’ll take my leave.

_Jaehee Kang has left the chatroom._

**Sooyeon Kwon:** Um  
**Sooyeon Kwon:** Is she mad?  
**Sooyeon Kwon:** She actually hates cats?

**Jumin Han:** It’s hard to wrap my mind around.  
**Jumin Han:** But yes  
**Jumin Han:** Assistant Kang is not overly fond of cats.

**Sooyeon Kwon:** Well I guess she wouldn’t be, if what she’s told me about Elizabeth the 3rd is true.  
**Sooyeon Kwon:** It’s like overexposure to cats has driven her away from them.

**Jumin Han:** Nonsense.  
**Jumin Han:** I didn’t come here to talk about cats, though.  
**Jumin Han:** I dropped the subject earlier but it was bothering me.  
**Jumin Han:** There is nothing more important than family.

**Sooyeon Kwon: **Jumin

**Jumin Han:** No matter what, your family will always be the ones who know you best.  
**Jumin Han:** They raised you.  
**Jumin Han:** If you haven’t had contact with them in a while, I urge you to make a phone call.

**Sooyeon Kwon:** I’m not doing that

Your throat feels dry. Something is itching under your skin. The buzz of anxiety, maybe, or irritation. It’s just your luck he decided to talk about family. You wish you could tell him to shut up and leave you alone, but it’s not his fault. He doesn’t know anything about you or your situation and you can’t tell him to fuck off for something he didn’t do wrong.

You press your palms against your eyelids, just hard enough for images to swim across your vision, and count to thirty. You can steer him away from this. He’s bothered by what happened with his dad, that’s all. He probably doesn’t really want to know about you—nobody does, really, and the RFA may be the closest thing you’ve had to friends in forever but they can’t possibly want to start prying this early.

Prying is an ugly word. It makes you think of nasty secrets, of something horrible thrust into the light. Prying is forceful and invasive.

You want to know everything about these people without giving away any of yourself. Pry into them, as it were, without giving anyone the chance to do the same to you. Are you selfish or self-preserving?

You take your hands off your eyes.

**Jumin Han:** Yoosung acts like this too.  
**Jumin Han:** He acts like his mother is such a burden on him  
**Jumin Han:** But every time she visits, he cries when she leaves  
**Jumin Han:** I suggest you repair whatever bonds you have with your family

**Sooyeon Kwon:** I don’t know how to say this gently  
**Sooyeon Kwon:** I don’t agree with your views.

**Jumin Han:** I see.  
**Jumin Han:** You may come to regret those beliefs.

**Sooyeon Kwon:** I won’t.  
**Sooyeon Kwon:** For me,  
**Sooyeon Kwon:** Family was always just the people I was stuck under a roof with.

_Jumin Han has left the chatroom._

You stare at the empty chatroom for what feels like an hour but is probably only a minute. He didn’t say goodbye. You’d been too harsh. For him, family probably really is what he envisions it to be. You wonder if he had many friends growing up.

It’s four in the morning. You’d better get to sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter length varies wildly............ inconsistent upload times........... welcome to my twisted chili's

You wake up at nine in the morning, eyes gritty and sore from staring at a screen all day and legs stiff from where they’d been curled tight against you. You’d dreamt about the moon melting into your hands, the sky dropping down onto your head. It had been orange, or blue, or green, and you wake up with an ache in your chest and the longing to dive back into bittersweet sleep.

You get out of bed.

The floor against your feet is shockingly cold and the air in the apartment is shockingly dry. You drag yourself out into the kitchen—a tiny thing, barely enough to hold yourself and one more person—and down a glass of water in one go. You catch your breath. The glass goes onto the counter by the sink; you go into the bathroom to wash your face and pretend it wakes you up instead of making you angry. The water is cold, colder than the floor and colder than the chill in the air. It hurts. You splash it on your face anyway. When you dry your hands you hardly feel the towel.

You stare into the mirror. Good enough.

You take a walk. The sun shines down on your face and you squint and try to walk in a straight line. It’s a far cry from yesterday’s rain. The walk is long and winds across your neighborhood and the next one over on the way back your feet hurt and you wish you’d brought water—but it’s still good.

When you get back home, you glance at the fridge, think about the nonexistent space your stomach feels like, pause to feel the burn in your legs and the shaking of your arms and the sweat drying on your face and the heat trapped in the air between your legs and the fabric of your sweatpants and you log into the chatroom instead of eating.

**Yoosung** **★** **:** Good morning^^!!  
**Yoosung** **★** **:** How has your day been?

**Sooyeon Kwon:** I’ve been okay.  
**Sooyeon Kwon:** You?

**Yoosung** **★** **:** I don’t have class today  
**Yoosung** **★** **:** So I’d say it’s going great ^^

**Jaehee Kang:** Another day of gaming, I see.

**Sooyeon Kwon:** And you’re probably going to play LOLOL all day, right?

**Jaehee Kang:** High five, Sooyeon.

**Sooyeon Kwon:** =)

**Yoosung** **★** **:** Heh . . .  
**Yoosung** **★** **:** Today I’m grinding for a rare armor.

**Sooyeon Kwon:** Don’t you have homework?

**Yoosung** **★** **:** Um  
**Yoosung** **★** **:** I’ll do it after I get the armor

**Jaehee Kang:** Yoosung . . . be more responsible, please.

**Yoosung** **★** **:** But the armor can only be won one day a week T_T  
**Yoosung** **★** **:** My guild wants me to get the armor so I can boost their rating

**Jaehee Kang:** You can get it next week then.  
**Jaehee Kang:** Isn’t focusing on your classes more important?

**Yoosung** **★** **:** T_T T_T T_T T_T

**Sooyeon Kwon:** she’s right . . .

**Yoosung** **★** **:** gogta go matfch just startted

_Yoosung_ ★ _ has left the chatroom._

**Jaehee Kang:** Sooyeon

**Sooyeon Kwon:** Yes?

**Jaehee Kang:** I’ll call you.

_Jaehee Kang has left the chatroom._

_Sooyeon Kwon has left the chatroom._

You pick up on the first ring.

“Jaehee? What’s up?” You ask, trying to stand up on shaky legs, one foot in front of the other until you reach the dining table—if it even can be called that because it’s really more of an end table than anything else—and collapse quietly into one of the seats. You shouldn’t have skipped breakfast, but you did, and you’re paying for it. You’ll have to get something to eat soon—cereal, probably, to tide you over until you have the energy to actually cook.

Jaehee is silent for a few moments, composing herself, possibly.

“You had a disagreement with Mr. Han yesterday,” she states.

You sigh, quietly so she can’t hear it. “I guess I did. Was it so bad that you have to call me? Is he mad? I’m sorry you have to deal with this.”

“He’s irritated,” Jaehee corrects. “He should know better. He knows—I’m sure he knows—there is more than one kind of family, but he clings onto long-held beliefs as a result of his upbringing. It’s hard to shake views you’ve grown up with. Jumin should not have pressed about your relationship with your family. I hope you’ll forgive him.”

“Jaehee, I’m not mad,” you say, and sag a little in the dining chair. “Just worried. I already know he probably doesn’t mean any harm. He might be mad on my behalf, or at me. I can’t tell. I want him to stop if he’s stressed out.”

“Those words do not inspire a lack of worry in me, Sooyeon,” Jaehee says. You can hear the smile in her voice. “Rather, they feel like a deflection.”

“Hmm,” you say. “I really mean it, though. I know we don’t see things the same way. I’m worried I’ve estranged him. Does he get into a lot of arguments?”

“Zen logs in, doesn’t he?” Jaehee says. You laugh. “Not on such serious matters, though. I’m not sure if I’m in a position to tell you something so personal, but Jumin values family so much because of how little his father seems to. He is close with his mother and views his father as the source of her pain. I—I don’t want to excuse him. I merely wish to provide a reason for his behavior—and his concern for you. He worries you’ll miss your family.”

“Um . . . sure. Concern for me? Well, that’s good to hear, I guess. Should I talk to him?” you ask. “Do you think he’ll cool down?”

“Of course,” Jaehee says. “Give him until the end of today. I think he’ll come around. I’m sure he wants you to be happy.”

“You know, you’re awfully fond of him for all your complaining,” you say.

Jaehee splutters. “What—I—no—you must understand, Sooyeon. Jumin’s productivity has decreased today. I’m working in the interest of the company. And . . . I must admit I was worried about . . . your emotional welfare.”

“Thank you,” you say, not really knowing to respond. “I’m—glad?—you’ve been thinking about me.”

“Of course. It’s my duty as a member of the RFA,” she says. “I should get going. My break is over. Have a nice day, Sooyeon.”

*

After you devour a bowl of cereal and a cup of ramen, you fall asleep. When you fall asleep you dream. When you dream you dream about colors and shapes and people you won’t remember when you wake up. When you wake up, you stare at the ceiling and try to recall what you saw.

You get out of bed. Again.

It’s still early in the day. The sun dances a rhythm in the sky above your head.

_Sooyeon Kwon has entered the chatroom._

**Jumin Han:** Hello.

**Sooyeon Kwon:** Hi

**Jumin Han:** Assistant Kang has insisted I apologize for prying into your relationship with your family.  
**Jumin Han:** I thought I would wait until you joined.

**Sooyeon Kwon:** Were you waiting long?  
**Sooyeon Kwon:** You could have called.

**Jumin Han:** I had meaningful conversations with other members of the RFA during this time.  
**Jumin Han:** I respect our differing opinions about family.  
**Jumin Han:** The only wish I can make is for whatever it is between you and your family heals.  
**Jumin Han:** I shouldn’t have pressed you about it.

**Sooyeon Kwon:** It’s okay.  
**Sooyeon Kwon:** Thank you for apologizing. You just  
**Sooyeon Kwon:** You just didn’t know, I guess  
**Sooyeon Kwon:** My situation is a little difficult.  
**Sooyeon Kwon:** We should put this disagreement behind us.

**Jumin Han:** Yes.  
**Jumin Han:** I will accept the outcome of our conversation and move on.  
**Jumin Han:** We will continue our acquaintanceship.

**Sooyeon Kwon:** Something like that.  
**Sooyeon Kwon:** Are you this formal with everyone?

**Jumin Han:** Yes.  
**Jumin Han:** I am professional with the company I keep.

_707 has entered the chatroom._

**707:** GAH

**Jumin Han:** ?

**707:** It’s CAT DAD

**Jumin Han:** Never call me that again.

**Sooyeon Kwon:** cat dad . . .

**Jumin Han:** Don’t call me that.  
**Jumin Han:** I provide care and love for Elizabeth the 3rd.  
**Jumin Han:** “Cat dad” is a term that implies I have taken on a fatherly role toward her.  
**Jumin Han:** Elizabeth and I stand on equal terms.

**707:** LMAO CAT DAD

**Jumin Han:** I do not understand why you wish to torment me so.

**707:** it’s too easy

**Sooyeon Kwon:** I won’t call you cat dad  
**Sooyeon Kwon:** Or will I?

**Jumin Han:** Dibt’  
**Jumin Han:** Don’t.  
**Jumin Han:** I was so frantic that I ended up making a typo.

**707:** GOD SEVEN’s work is done here.

**Sooyeon Kwon:** You’re leaving already?

**707:** Loool yeah I gotta go do my work  
**707:** I’ve been slacking so hard  
**707:** i think  
**707:** My maid is going to kill me  
**707:** if I don’t get to work

**Sooyeon Kwon:** You have a maid?

**Jumin Han:** I feel sorry for her.

**Sooyeon Kwon:** Took the words out of my mouth.

**707:** u two are cute lol  
**707:** Seven out!

_707 has left the chatroom._

**Jumin Han:** Cute . . . ?  
**Jumin Han:** Does he understand who he is talking to?  
**Jumin Han:** I am not cute.

**Sooyeon Kwon:** Just ignore it I guess  
**Sooyeon Kwon:** You know he only goes this hard because of how you react right

**Jumin Han:** Why ever would he do that?

**Sooyeon Kwon:** it’s a thing I guess  
**Sooyeon Kwon:** idrk

**Jumin Han:** I will endeavor to react less, then.  
**Jumin Han:** I’m going to have lunch now.  
**Jumin Han:** Goodbye.

**Sooyeon Kwon:** Bye

_Jumin Han has left the chatroom._

_Sooyeon Kwon has left the chatroom._

There is absolutely nothing to do in this apartment except eat, sleep, and check your emails. You’ve eaten and you’ve slept so you turn on your laptop and pull up your emails. Fifteen guests are coming so far. There’s a week left for you to rack up twenty-five guests. You will probably manage but every so often when a guest is proving difficult, you feel a flash of annoyance for V.

Forty guests in two months is perfectly reasonable. In a week and some-odd days? No. No, no—it’s no use whining.

You shoot off one last email, pray the chicken delivery guy isn’t a complete idiot, and shut your laptop again. If everything was as it should be you’d be behind the counter of the stuffy little clothes store you’ve forsaken for the RFA. You wouldn’t be stuck here trying to gather guests for a party you probably won’t enjoy.

But you do get to know the members of the RFA. You suppose it’s only fair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and we reach the end of the chapters i had on my other account.
> 
> as always with my fics, please do not expect an update anytime soon 


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